We live with gold in our hearts, at the base of our souls, yet we can run around the surface of both, doing our best to avoid that gold for fear that it may not actually be there, that we are in fact the one person on the planet who doesn’t have what it takes to be a successful, happy, and good person.
That fear keeps us outside of ourselves, outside of our lives and other people’s, outside of relationships that we can deeply savour, and even outside of our own dreams and deeply personal ambitions. These things are our route to happiness and fulfillment and, by avoiding ourselves as if our life depends on it, we skip right over them, missing that blissful feeling of freedom, that euphoric state of play, and our own beloved gifts.
Today I was in a two-hour group call facilitated by *Jennifer Comeau and Kristopher Drummond – we were reviewing one person’s dream for its collective gold and I wondered about this fear that wraps around that gold, paper on rock, hiding it from our sight… and us with it. I sang to our beautiful group consciousness, traveling together (it is such a relief to offer what is in me to offer – I receive multiple gifts from doing what makes me feel complete and happy), and we deepened. It has taken me time to find my way, to trust, and I am often checking in to review my choices, how I approach my decisions – am I letting my joy propel me, draw me forward? What am I prioritizing? It comes down to listening to ourselves within the complexity – to find what feels true. As we analyzed one lady’s dream I saw the messages that were coming to me, for me, through it. That it was ok to move on from old dreams, ok to face the losses that I’ve incurred, ok to change what I’ve promised to the world, ok to choose happiness and to celebrate the liberation that comes with such wisdom, ok to choose simplicity… and that it is safe to be joyful. We give and we receive – an ouroboros of serendipitous, mutual, movement.
It is wise to choose happiness. Why? Because when we do, life works with us, it helps us lift off, it sees us through others, it supports our liberty. This is when synchronicities come to play and when we start to become lighter, more fun to be around, more supportive of others, more energized and more positive.
I’m doing an open group lab Radically Real – being authentic when it matters most where we come together each week to explore three questions on our presence.
1. What is the voice that stops us from speaking when we most need to? 2. What is the cost when we don’t? 3. What are the identifiable gifts when we do?
Presence has a dance partner; fear. Fear’s wisdom draws us toward our presence in unsettling ways, challenging us to live up to ourselves, making us ask ‘Who am I, really? Do I feel true? Does this? How is it serving me?’ When we meet in our group together and sit with the questions something happens for all of us, it seems. So you are invited – please join us this week.
I am learning that there is always somewhere deeper to go to, somewhere more authentic, somewhere less scary. The irony is that we actually have to choose to scare ourselves en route to get to somewhere that we belong, somewhere we recognize as our actual home. In there it all gets still in a really familiarly safe way.
Someone recently asked me where I get the confidence to sing the way I do. I had not been asked that question before and it surprised me to realize that. My answer is that it took time, it took belief, and the curiosity that moves through me to connect in deep and radical ways to something that I belong to, that I am. I am learning to be unapologetically me and I have had to lose a lot to get here, but these things, and people, that I have lost are actually things, and people, that I love with the passion of gratitude and recognition, now I see it all more clearly – why things had to be a certain way in order for this moment to meet me just as it must. It’s not easy but it is perilously close to spectacular.
Thank you for reading.
Clare Hedin is a sound master and explorer of consciousness. She has dedicated her life to understanding the spaces in which we exist and come to be, and how to interact with those, with a special emphasis on deep listening, silence, and music. She teaches about energy work, how to master our fields, and how to show up in ways that improve our lives and other people’s – with a special focus on Terra, our home.[READ MORE about Clare]