If Consciousness were a software programme, we humans seem to be running an archaically old version of it. It has bugs, requires malware that we can’t seem to find and run, and looks set to ultimately render the whole hard drive (us within an interdependent system) inoperable.
Are you a broken dreamer?
Did you wake up one day and realize that some part of you had died; either overnight during your sleep, or slowly, over time, in your waking life?
I have experienced both.
I would say for the last 6+ months I have been steadily driving faster and faster towards a brick wall with my own exhausting and complex lifestyle (which, ironically, does involve a lot of driving). I had been ignoring the building stress which was becoming increasingly painful. So life finally found the emergency brake for me.
Recently I visited a friend in Stinson Beach, CA. The day was beautiful and warranted a swim after a long drive. I went out into the ocean with a certain, definite, stride. It was, at first, a playful enjoyment. I felt confident and strangely defiant. I knew my strengths as a swimmer.